Overthinking about someone not texting back
Overthinking comes in different flavors. Maybe you're creating elaborate scenarios about why they haven't responded ("They must have been so tired that they’re sleeping for 15 hours!”).
Or maybe you're on the other end of the spectrum, where a one-hour delay makes you spiral about how you must have said something wrong.
Either way, overthinking about someone texting you back is a bad habit. When you let someone else's actions dictate your emotional state, you're surrendering a part of your independence.
But sometimes you can’t help but overthink it. Your thoughts just run wild. Or at least it feels like that.
The harsh truth about texts
In 2025 nobody is 'forgetting' to respond to texts from a love interest. Would you ever forget to respond to someone you were interested in?
The simple truth is that genuine interest typically shows itself clearly through consistent communication.
Interest becomes clear with time. Trying to make full sense of the situation now is trying to solve a puzzle while pieces are still missing. Looking back, it will be obvious, but right now, you're driving yourself crazy trying to connect the dots that haven't appeared yet.
So maybe you overthink because you want it to be solved now.
The Slot Machine
The nightmare (and I've been here) is when it consumes you.
When you sent a text in the evening and wake up the next morning and the first thing you think about is if they responded.
And you have a physiological reaction when you check your phone.
This situation is scarily similar to spinning a slot machine. Slot machines employ a tactic called 'intermittent reinforcement'. Sounds fancy, but it's just when the size of the reward is unpredictable. You can lose, win small, or win big. And everything in between.
Intermittent reinforcement evokes the strongest emotional response (many studies, including this one, confirm this).
Checking for text replies is like pulling a slot machine lever - but you're gambling for emotional validation instead of money.. Every time you open your phone, you can:
- Lose (no response)
- Win small (a short response that shows little interest)
- Win big (a response that shows high interest)
And everything in between. It’s textbook intermittent reward.
Beyond the Wait
When you find yourself obsessing over texts, it’s typically a sign of empty spaces in your life.
A full and rich life leaves no room for overthinking. And it's magnetic - people can sense when you're truly happy with or without them.
The goal is to be so fulfilled by your own life that you genuinely forget about the text. Then any response is just a bonus, not a necessity.
What if you took the energy you put into overthinking and channeled it into your own growth? Ironically, you’d probably get more people texting you back faster.
To read more on curing overthinking, click here.